act your age

I'm finding it more difficult to identify where exactly I fall into the age category. We all know those boxes that define an age group. Check the box that applies 18-24, 25-32, 33-40, and so on. I know which box my age tells me I belong in but what does that really mean when looking at all the other women around me?

What does 29 look like? What does 29 feel like? What does 29 act like? I know I no longer look eighteen, nor do I want to look that age but could I pass for 25. Do I want to pass for 25? Could I pass for 30 or 33? That would be about the age I truly feel at this point in my life.

I have never been able to guess someone's age accurately. There are so many variables. What are they wearing? What are they doing with their lives? What are they talking about?

Where is this blog post going?

I had recently been in the presence of an intelligent, beautiful women who, at times in my life, I was jealous of because of her talent and humor. Our lives are completely different now other than we both are mothers and we are both the same age. I find myself no longer jealous, but completely sad for her and her child. The choices she makes in her life, she makes without care for the ultimate consequence. She lives for the now, instead of the future. She depends on everyone around her to make her life better, instead of herself.

I keep hoping she will get her head out of the clouds, look at her beautiful child and say, "today and everyday I will do what's best for us," but she doesn't. We spent five hours getting to know each other again and the conversation was mainly dominated by one thing. Money. Everyone I know has money problems, including my own household, but it's not something I feel the need to talk about. We are where we are because of our own choices. Not anyone else's. Enough said. She seemed to have an excuse or reason for her financial situation and that of her significant others'.

After she left I gave my husband and kids an extra hug and kiss. I was filled with love for all of them. My husband and I put our kids first. Our marriage first. Our well-being first. Then comes money. We are in the very middle of taking financial responsibility for our lives and that is our own business. We are communicating thoughts, dreams, and even respective disagreements. We are adults. We are acting our age.

Thinking back about the whole day I had come to the conclusion that she has absolutely no clue how old she is or what people our age act like. She was texting the entire five hours. She had clothes on that would be more appropriate for someone five to ten years younger than us. She kept justifying herself to me(and probably to herself, as well). She was uncomfortable in her own skin.

I couldn't imagine living that way or acting that way at this point in my life. I had and still have a great support system. I have a group of family and friends who will tell the hard truth to me. These great people will support me in any way I need it, but at a price that is appropriate. I wish she had that. She could, but chooses not to keep the people close that will help her because they disagree with her choices. That's life, I guess and part of growing up is recognizing the best path. Even if you already passed it.

Cheers to all those who have realized you should no longer shop in the juniors section. To those that tailor your conversation to your audience. To those that realize the importance of giving your attention to who you are with, instead of texting someone you are not. I raise my first cup of coffee to you. May you know the moments that you should act your age, and the moments when you should throw all caution to the wind.

things i love

1. almond butter. every morning i have a double fiber english muffin or a piece if whole wheat toast with almond butter. yummm!

2. my three year old (soon to be four year old) is sleeping until nine!

3. dvr. once upon a time, pretty little liars, the walking dead, cougar town, new girl, smash. i'm always working the nights these are on. i can catch up during nap times. plus you don't have to watch commercials! woo hoo!

4. ambien. yes, it's a little sad but once a week i can take one of these babies, fall asleep by 7pm and catch up on much needed z's.

5. free cell. every now i then i get re-addicted to it

6. the library. i like big BOOKS and i cannot lie. oh the money i have saved from using the library!

7. our backyard. it's almost finished! the sod goes in this weekend.

i raise my coffee cup to you and the many things you love right now! may your days be filled with them!

the last fifteen pounds...

My entire family came to Arizona for Christmas. When my family gets together, I can promise you a couple of things that will happen.

1. Laughs will be plenty

2. My children will be spoiled rotten

3. The recycling bin will look like Guns 'n Roses stopped by

4. Good food will be had in large amounts

When the last of my fam had left I stepped on the scale and had to catch myself before passing out. I had managed to gain a whole ten pounds! That was on top of the twenty I had been hanging onto since my first pregnancy. I quickly made a plan and stuck to it for a whole three months.

I ate breakfast every morning. I went back to the gym. I stopped weighing myself. I counted calories using an app on my phone. The counting calories was the worst BUT it made me realize the awful types of AND amounts of food that was preventing me from losing the weight in the first place. I drank two cups of black coffee in the morning and only drank water the rest of the day. I would allow myself a 'cheat' day, usually Sundays. I also allowed myself a coffee at the start of my shifts at work, though i did change from a grande to a tall and decreased the sugar amount.

I have lost 15 pounds and gained a nice amount of muscle. I have gone down three pant sizes. I have more energy, my skin looks amazing and I sleep better. I feel great!

Well, I felt great.

This last three weeks have been tough. The girls have been sick several times(which they shared with mama) and I strained a muscle in my leg while running which prevented me from getting to gym for a full two weeks. During those two weeks I got lazy in my calorie counting and ate pretty much whatever looked good in the moment. Thankfully I haven't gained any weight but I haven't lost any either. The muscle I was gaining is slowly going away. Ugh!! So I'm making another plan....and this time I'm going to make it a life style...with some exceptions. You can't live bland all the time, right?

To those like me who would like to lead a healthy life but tend to see something shiny and wander off the path every now and again, I raise my third cup of coffee to you. Here's to us, my friends, may we stay on the path long enough to see success but veer off often enough to keep life interesting.

here's to you mom....

still trying to find my way in this crazy world. you would think at 29 i would have had it figured out by now. i'm feeling isolated lately. i'm lonely, bored, and tired of entertaining children.

i would like to run free and far! go to lunch with a friend or even, dare i say it, by myself! i want to go to the gym without it taking thirty minutes to get out the door! i want to see a movie IN the theater. i want to read one entire page of a book without interruption! does anyone else with small kids feel incredibly tied down? working around four different schedules is extremely exhausting! whew! who knew you could crawl out of bed five times a night to comfort a baby and two more times to bring a needy three year old back to their own bed and still function the next day? who knew you could get everyone in the house fed(including the dog) and not once realize you haven't fed yourself until dinner? who knew you could get through an entire eight hours of taking care of kids, while completing housework and immediately walk out the door to work a five hour shift serving coffee when running on only three hours of sleep? i often wonder how i got home, which isn't good, but i did it!

and for what?

my mother once told me, "being a mom is a thankless job." i'm now understanding what she meant.

two weeks ago after having one of those nights, followed by a long day, i get a text while at work from my husband, it says, "molly just projectile vomited all over me. could you please stop on your way home and get pedialyte and lysol."

i was up for a complete 36 hours holding buckets, changing sheets, disinfecting the house on top of the normal routine. when i finally crawled into bed the next night and thought of everything i had accomplished BY MYSELF, i found myself completely disappointed. where was my applause? where was my 'thank you'? where was my congratulations on getting through the day?

i was honestly waiting for a marching band to come parading through my room and give me one big HURRAH for all that i had done. instead, i got nothing but a pat on the back. which i also had to do myself. there is nothing like being a mom. it's the best thing i have ever done but also the most exhausting. i wouldn't trade this job for anything in the world but is it too much to ask for a little appreciation?

so, i raise my coffee cup to all the other moms who read this. here's to you, my friend! may your days be less chaotic than mine and on behalf of those you work so hard to keep safe and happy....THANK YOU! CONGRATS! WELL DONE! YOU ARE THE BEST!

still waiting....

i pretty sure i posted something on my everlasting feeling of waiting for something a very long while ago...and that wonderfully frustrating feeling is super persisitant because i still have it.

and i still don't know what it is i'm waiting for.

jesus?

a lottery win?

to be hit by falling space junk?

my husband to turn into Jonathan Rys Meyers(as King Henry of course), present me with a large diamond ring and call me sweetheart in a fantastic english accent?

nothing?

i could possibly be waiting for all these things to find me, but i think the bigger picture would require me to live in the moment. and since i am watching two extra kids this week and next(both toddlers) that is surely not going to happen.

i will live in the moment in two weeks.

so, i raise my fifth cup of coffee to you and say, "a toast to september 30th. may you get here quick."

i mentioned on an early post that i started and then forgot about my happiness project. the happiness project is a book by gretchen rubin. she started her project after realizing she was happy but could be happier. her book really got me thinking about my happiness and what it would take to get myself out of the comfortable protective bubble i have created and start exploring the options life has to offer me.

i did really good the first month. i included things that i could start doing immediately that would create routine and immediate results. i joined a gym and went every other day. i kept a food diary, sat in the sun, washed my pillow cases, took a vitamin, tried to drink more water and so on.

most everything i tried fell by the wayside, but i did keep a couple of new habits. i now wash my face every night before i get into bed. i know it takes 28 days to create a habit and was very diligent about making sure i completed this task every night. i have missed one night in over three months and my skin looks amazing. it branched out into finding a new skincare regime and i have never looked better. i also take a vitamin and an omega 3 everyday. this has reminded me to give my daughter her vitamins.

where was i going with this?

since i had already given up half way through last month i realized i did not look at this month's tasks at all. i unfortunately found that this month's tasks are related to something that has weighed heavily on my mind lately. money. i sometimes lay awake at night and dream of ways to make ends meet or even of winning the lottery just so i don't' have to think about it at all.

money.

money can buy happiness. it could most definitely buy mine right now.

money has a love/hate relationship in our house. my husband and i are both very bad with money. it burns holes in my husband's pockets and for me, well, if i have it, i don't worry about what i'm spending it on until it's gone. then i have buyer's remorse and bit of depression for not saving. so this month will hopefully put an end to that.

september: spend better/find ways to save. make a plan/budget. plan a modest splurge for all family members. find a way to save power. tackle a nagging task.

if you need me this month that is where i will be. the nagging task will be this months tasks in general. although i'm completely not looking forward to doing any of these, i know the outcome will be worth it. as usual, wish me luck!

september

september is officially upon us. the tempuratures have been near or over 100 degrees for over three months. i'm assured by the locals that the weather will start to cool down and that makes me pretty darn excited because i have a whole new wardrobe that can't be worn until it does. i have cleaned out my closet of all clothes that no longer fit or i haven't worn in years. the hope that i will lose the baby weight and fit into any of them is now gone. and i have to say, it's completely freeing.

i have decided to build upon my new collection of style by picking up pieces here and there. i have always been the type of person that waits until i have worn out my clothing and am then forced to spend hard earned cash to fill the empty spaces with large amounts of inexpensive clothing that never lasts or looks as good as i had thought. i will no longer look for the cheap way to decorate myself. instead, i have been choosing clothing for comfort, durability, and, of course, fashionability. is that even a word?

i have also most always chosen items that require a particular shoe or accessory. no more i say! i will choose pieces that can be worn together, otherwise i will never wear them. is it sad that it has taken well into my 20's to figure this out? you get what you pay for. in most everything. it's most definitely worth the extra money to buy quality products. they fit better, work better, and wear better. it just takes a little more planning and saving to accomplish this. or winning the lottery.